The Turkey!

So, as many of you may have heard from my Twitter or Facebook updates I had quite a startling incident a couple weeks ago. Coming from my show in Cedarburg, WI I was on my way (making the 5.5 hour drive) to Minneapolis to perform during a wedding ceremony. Right around the Wisconsin Dells - about 2 hours into my trip I noticed a bird walking along the left side of the road. It was pretty far up ahead and was just on the shoulder so I didn't think too much about it - always see birds flying about. But as I got closer I noticed this bird was HUGE. I was in the left lane and there were a line of cars on my right so there was no where for me to go - I was leading a line of cars as well. As I pulled closer, the bird just kept walking along the shoulder, but out of the line of traffic so I didn't worry too much. I was listening to the new Farewell Circuit album which is kind of a mix between Radiohead and Sigur Ros so i was in a bit of a trance.

The moment I got inches away from the bird it jumped/flew up from the shoulder and smack onto my windshield! ahhhhhh! My windshield shattered and bird guts flew inside my giant suv and covered my gear in the back and literally hit the back wall. I was covered in glass and now could not see out of my windshield as it had corrugated, spider web cracks in my vision. It felt like a moment in a Quentin Tarentino movie with the unassuming soundtrack and the sudden, violent action out of nowhere.

I, attempting to remain as calm as possible, now entrenched in glass shards with my arms starting to bleed, put my left blinker on and pulled over to the side of the road.

All I could think about was that my GPS currently said I was going to make it to the wedding at 3:15 and I had to be there around 3:30 to get setup with the ceremony beginning at 6:00.

Now with bleeding arms and my car smelling like bird shit, on the side of the road I started brushing off all the glass from my chair in hopes to continue on the road to the wedding. I called Amy, who was not on this trip with me - thank god! - to help process out what to do! She talked some sense into me and told me I probably shouldn't keep going and should probably get the car towed to a glass/car shop. I needed to figure out, though, how i was going to get to the wedding!

The bride and I had been talking about this wedding for over a year and a half now and the music was extremely important to her - I was performing music throughout the entire ceremony (as they walk down the isle, when the parents come up, etc).

While on the phone, a police officer pulled up and saw I was scratched up and asked if everything was ok (with a giant piece of chew in his mouth...ick). He mentioned to me that the giant bird was in fact a giant TURKEY! Happy early thanksgiving. Noting that he could call a tow truck, I remembered that I had car insurance and I should probably bring them into the equation if I didn't want to pay an arm and a leg later on. I spent about 25 minutes on the phone with the car insurance place and they arranged a tow truck to pick me up and take me to a near by glass shop.

I called my mom who was in Madison (about 45 minutes away) and started processing it out with her. I asked her if she could come pick me up and drive me the rest of the way to Minneapolis.

About 20 minutes later the tow truck arrived and hooked my car up and we were off. By the time we arrived to the glass shop - about 15 minutes away - the windshield had started to cave in almost to the point of full out collapse. Good thing I didn't decide to finish the 3.5 hour drive!

My mom arrived shortly thereafter and we transferred my turkey covered gear (after cleaning it off a bit) into her car and we were off.

I called the brother of the bride and told him to not mention a thing to his sister as to not alarm her, but to let everyone else know that I wasn't going to be there early, or maybe not even on time. we were in text communication the entire ride there and miraculously i hit 0 traffic on 94 and 394 (horrible spots in the Twin Cities during rush hour) at 5:30 on Friday. weird! I arrived to the outdoor venue and we pulled up the car onto the patio where the guests and the wedding party were standing. The bride asked "who is that pulling up right now to my wedding!" - i don't believe we were on an actual road. "I think that's your singer" a friend mentioned. The bride was only then informed of what happened - now that i was there safe and sound... with 15 minutes to spare - well to setup, sound check, change into my suit and warm up. ha.

Luckily, I finished tying my tie at 6:01 and I began playing the opening usher processional music by 6:03 - only 3 minutes after the wedding was supposed to begin. Not bad.

My car has since (only very recently) been completely fixed and detailed - no turkey guts left - and I am safe and sound. Mom saved the day!

Word of advice, if you see a turkey (or deer) walking on the side of the road, slow the F down and/or move over... no matter if the people start honking and screaming obscenities. The trade off is much worse...

~Ari